Judging ourselves and each other is a habit that becomes very toxic, very quickly. Judging one another or a stranger walking on the street can end a world of possibilities within seconds if done right. Picking up the labels unfairly applied can take years, sometimes a lifetime, to undo.
For some, it is easier to hide insecurities and mask low self-esteem by placing attention onto a stranger, a ‘friend,’ and especially a family member. Family members quickly become the easiest targets. Like many patterns established in a family structure, judging becomes second nature. The parent-child cycle of repetition gets passed down generation to generation. Bringing attention to the habit is a hopeful start to breaking the long tradition.
Judgements of yourself and others become intertwined with self-worth. In turn, the self worth affects almost every aspect of one’s life: relationship, financial, self-love and well-being. The harmful element of the undeserving set-up is the consequences from undoing the planted pain. The irony is that judgment, whether delivered or received, hides the true self. Both parties play an unconscious game of building lies that eventually become pieces of their daily lives.
The effects of judgments and the lies to mask them take a serious toll on lives. Without awareness, the recipient of the judgements gives his/her life over to their craziness. It becomes easier to conform to their judgements than to prove them wrong. For the child, surviving the pain of the judgmental lies becomes the focus as they structure their life to conform to it.
Releasing the cruel and sometimes ignorant opinions takes awareness and compassion. Awareness to the truth and compassion to the sadness of false beliefs. The truth is that the judgments most strongly felt are from family members. To compound the trauma, they are often the caretakers of the innocent child, i.e. parents. Adding to the cycle, the child takes the ball and runs with it, right into adult life.
Discovering who you are after years of judgments can be a gift and a challenge. Once we discover we are all equally worthy, we can experience feelings of betrayal, anger and shame. The challenge becomes unwrapping their lies from your truth and learning to accept that while they were often authority figures, they were wrong.
Replacing deception with a loving and honest mindset brings peace into your heart and soul. A new adventure awaits as your inner child discovers who she is and that she is entitled to love herself.