I am working on opening my heart. Looking back on my childhood years, I can see how I protected my heart by building walls around it. It seems the more I was abused, the thicker the walls got. It is a miracle how the walls naturally grew all in the name of protecting who I truly am.
As an adult fighting to discover my truest self, I have the choice to remove the walls or let them surround my heart for the rest of my life. I acknowledge that throughout this healing journey the walls have ever so slightly cracked open to let a peak of safe love in. I want to live a life free of the walls. It is painful, sometimes excruciating, to remove the walls. They are solid and have had many decades to plant themselves around my heart.
It is my heart’s turn to tear down the walls. The more powerful and trusting my heart becomes, the more it is able to demolish the walls. I learned it is a task only I can do. I have listened to the many lessons shared by loving and dedicated people that taught me how to remove them. At the end of the day, only I know when I feel safe (and confident) to get rid of them.
Discovering life without the walls intrigues me and is my motivation, especially when releasing the pain absorbed in the walls. I take baby steps, sometimes half a baby step, to own the pain of my abuse. Once I see it, feel it and cry over all that was stolen from me, the pain is gone. Little by little I am releasing the truth and letting go of the walls.
I am excited to live my life without the walls surrounding my heart. My heart is my soul. It is a sacred place where I control who and what comes in. A dear friend explained it me like this: “If you don’t open your heart, you won’t be able to receive.. then you won’t be able to give.”
I keep my focus on living my life with an open heart. My strength comes from knowing that God is with me. He has brought me this far, He had many opportunities to abandon me years ago and did not.
This is where the fun part of my life starts. This is what I have been purposely working towards. Nothing can stop me from tearing down the walls. I am forever grateful for the brilliant job they have done by protecting my soul and allowing me to fully embrace who I am. I am grateful. I am honored. I am loved.