Through a decade of intense therapy I have reclaimed my life. It has been painful. There were countless times I was sure I didn’t have the emotional strength or courage left in me to continue. By the grace of God, I did.
I don’t know how I would have survived my journey if I didn’t have a committed therapist, devoted children to remind me of why I was fighting to beat the demons, and God’s love to believe in me when I was so angry that this happened to me that I didn’t want anything to do with God.
What is important is my journey back from hell. I have learned about the abilities my (our) brain has to protect me from the abusers. It is truly fascinating. I have learned that it is impossible for the emotional, physical and sexual abuse to be my ‘fault.’ A child is incapable of the planning involved in abusing a child. It is not in their realm of possibilities. To further prove this point, a child’s brain has not fully developed to physically be able to create the setup.
I have learned what boundaries are and how to create them. For over 75% of my life, I didn’t know what they were, how they looked, and forget about the fact I was entitled to them. Putting the emotional, physical and sexual abuse aside, it makes me angry that my parents taught me so little about protecting myself, setting up boundaries, and entitlement, just to name a few basics a parent is responsible for teaching their child. I used to minimize the situation, try to see it from their point of view. As a healthy adult who has been over every angle to justify their choices, there are no reasons nor excuses by which a parent is permitted to behave in an abusive manner. None. Remember, they were adults. I was, you were, the child, a victim. Now I am, you are a survivor of child abuse.