It amazes me how quickly I forget the courage and commitment it takes to reclaim my life as I learn life lessons never taught to me as a child. When I’m learning a new skill, I tend to forget the difficulties I faced while overcoming so many challenges. I believe this must be another one of the signs that I am reclaiming my life after child abuse.
It is about showing myself that I am qualified and worthy of taking this journey. I remind myself of my parent role to my children. When they were born- especially my first, I had no idea how to care for him, let alone raise him. Day by day we taught each other how to show our love and commitment to one another. Each day prepared me for the next stages of his growth. The end result is a man that makes my heart glow with pride.
As my second child grew, I practiced a similar system in raising her. While I had experience with some of the lesson, her love took me deeper into my heart. She showed me how my capacity to love was unlimited the second she was born. As she grows into her purpose, I allow myself to see the magnificence of her being. I receive the praise in raising her. It is a precious gift to be a mother.
Raising my children gives me the confidence to raise myself. I am capable of being kind and loving to a child. With that same compassion, I am learning how to respect myself. I am using the skills I used to raise my children to nurture my inner child. Like my children, my inner child deserves to be loved, held, and honored. It has been a hard and sometimes painful journey to teach her what was lost. It involves grieving over what will never be.
Self-doubt creeps in before I have time to recognize it. Looking at my grown children’s pictures reminds me of my ability to love. Honoring how long it takes me to learn self-love is a part of self-love. Having compassion for the demons holding me back as they circle my thoughts is part of self-love. Self-love can be difficult, yet we are all deserving of it. No one can take that away. It may feel absent but it is there waiting to be expressed. It is our job to find and welcome the love that lies within our hearts.
No one will love you as you love yourself. Like with all new lessons, practice, observe and be patient as you embrace the miracle that you are.