Loving You

a poem by Susan Jacobi

When I was 3 I knew you loved me

When I was 4 I was sure you loved me

When I was 5 I was scared you didn’t love me

When I was 6 I was worried that you stopped loving me

When I was 7 I didn’t know why you ignored me

When I was 8 I was too scared to think about if you loved me

When I was 9 I was sad that you might not love me

When I was 10 I tried to make you love me

When I was 11 I was sure it was my fault that you didn’t love me

When I was 12 I was ashamed that I was growing up

When I was 13 I thought you might love me because I was growing into a woman

When I was 14 I knew you stopped loving me

When I was 15 I thought I might be wrong and you would love me

When I was 16 I gave up on trying to get you to love me

When I was 17 I dreamed you loved me

When I was 18 I stopped loving you

When I was 19 I stopped loving me

When I was 20 I hated me

When I was 21 I hated you

When I was 58 I forgave me by loving me

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